Abortion Stories

Tuesday, August 30th 2011, 9:12pm

“I met Dan when I was 18 years old and a freshman in college. I was naïve and thought I was in love. Dan treated me so well and even though I had dated in high school, I had never slept with anyone, until Dan came along. We dated for about six months. One night, after coming home from a party, both of us were pretty drunk and decided to have unprotected sex. I have never had unprotected sex before or after this one time. That ONE time changed everything.

My period was a few weeks late, so I went to the drug store with my roommate and got a pregnancy test. Two hours later, I knew I was pregnant. About 8 weeks.

After a lot of crying, thinking, and debating—I knew that I was only 18 years old. I could not have a child. Dan was extremely supportive and told me that he was with me on any choice I decided. Even though I knew I could not have a child, I didn’t know what to do, or who to call. From the time I found out I was pregnant until the day I had the procedure, Dan and I fell apart. He didn’t know how to handle what I was going through, and I could not stand the sight of him. I took out my fear and frustration on him. A week after I had my abortion, we broke up.

I called my sister. She helped me set up an appointment and paid for my plane ticket so that I could have the procedure done in Arizona, where my sister lived. I went to a Planned Parenthood in Phoenix. As I made my walk into the building, protestors with large, colorful signs screamed “BABY KILLER!” and verbally harassed me at one of the lowest moments of my life. Despite their hateful words, I still knew I was doing the right thing for me and my future.

The process was long and difficult. I was sent to and from a waiting room after filling out paperwork and speaking to counselors. Finally, I was sent into a dimly lit room, laying on my back, my legs in stirrups. The nurse asked me if I wanted to see the ultra sound…I declined. Though I still knew I was doing the right thing, and I wasn’t afraid that seeing that computer screen would change my mind, I knew that I did not want to see it. I already knew this experience would stay in my mind forever, and I didn’t need more mental pictures along with it. The doctor came in and explained what he would do step by step. A nurse held my hand and tried to distract me from what was happening. She asked me questions about where I went to school and where I was from. I tried to give into her distractions, but I couldn’t seem to get out of my own head. The vacuum aspiration was extremely uncomfortable and painful. I was not put under any kind of anesthesia; I was only given a small painkiller that did pretty much nothing. I cried through the entire process because it hurt so badly. It felt like the ultimate kind of period cramps. It was unbearable. As soon as it was over, the doctor left and the nurse helped me into my clothes. I could barely stand up because I was in so much pain.

She helped me to a recovery room filled with other women who has just gone through the same thing I had. As I sobbed in a big, comfy recliner, other women looked at me and gave me sympathetic smiles. I was so touched by how sweet and kind all the other girls were. It was like we all had an unspoken bond. An hour later, I was taken to the waiting room and my sister drove me back to her house.

All in all, I do not regret my decision to not go through with having a baby. I was young, naïve, and completely unaware of whom I was or where I was going in life (not to mention that I was impossibly broke). I think about the decision I made everyday, but I do not look back in sadness—just contentment. It was not an easy decision to make, and no woman is exited or thrilled that she has to even begin to make a choice like millions of women do. I am content with the decision I made. No regrets.” 

A question posted to my personal blog, which I feel belongs here as well.

Anonymous asked: There’s a chance I might be pregnant, and I’m so scared all knowledge I previously had on what to do in this situation has left my brain. I don’t know what to do. :(

First, buy an at home test. The cheap ones work just as well as the name brands and they give you more than one test per pack. 

Now, most at home tests are testing for hCG ( Human Chorionic Gonadotropin ) in the urine. This is also referred to as “the pregnancy hormone”. False negatives are possible if you take the test too early. It’s possible to have a fertilized ovum but that your body has not begun to secrete hCG.

The best time to test is after your first missed period. If you simply can not wait, the earliest you can test is 14 days after conception ( If you know when you last had sex that may have resulted in pregnancy. ). But I really do recommend waiting until your first missed period.

If the test is positive, your next step is to go to a Planned Parenthood, or your regular OBGYN and get a blood test to confirm. I would recommend doing this even if you test negative at home and are still unsure.

If the blood test confirms a pregnancy, you have many options. Talk to a trained professional about what those options are. I highly recommend PP for this information as they are very knowledgable and discreet. They also offer counseling should you need it. Do not trust shady “crisis pregnancy centers”. Stick with PP, your doctor, or ask your doctor for a referral.

If you are considering an abortion, you have two options:

• Medical Abortion - This is the abortion pill method. This method allows you to abort in the privacy of your own home. You may experience severe cramping, heavy bleeding, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, headache, and fatigue. This method is generally used or recommended for women who are very early on in a pregnancy.
• Surgical Abortion - There are several types of surgical abortion. The most common for a first trimester pregnancy is the suction aspiration method. The doctor will give you pain medication and numb your cervix. While the cervix is held open, the doctor will then remove the fetus and placenta with a suctioning device. Most women report cramps, fatigue, nausea, or feeling faint after the procedure.

For more information on surgical abortion you can go here: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/abortion-4260.asp

If you decide to go through with the pregnancy and are considering adoption please make sure you are getting factual information and going through a legitimate agency. If you decide not to go with adoption, be prepared to spend lots of money on diapers, formula, medical appointments for yourself and the baby, vaccinations, clothing, etc. There are programs out there to help such as welfare and WIC. Having used both those options in the past, I can tell you they helped, but I was still very strapped for money.

Child birth and the recovery afterwards can be very hard on your body and mental health. Be prepared for about 6 weeks of recovery at the very least. If you are having a difficult time recovering, reach out for help. Postpartum depression and the fluctuation in hormones can make taking care of a newborn very hard and even dangerous. Be sure to have a support network made up of family, friends, and your OBGYN.

A child is a huge lifetime commitment. If you are not ready to be a parent or do not want to be a parent, do not feel ashamed or guilty. You have the right to decide when and if you want to become a mother.

Good luck.

Saturday, August 27th 2011, 10:36am

ETA: Story by seeminglyreal ( Name added with permission )

“I had my abortion on March 2nd, 2011. This is a long story and for that I apologize, but I hope it helps and answers some questions about abortion and everything.

I remember getting my period in December. I remember having my period even in November. I went to Planned Parenthood, told them my period was late, that my last period was mid-December. They took my blood, it came back positive.

They estimated me to be around 11 weeks pregnant, just based on the date I gave them from my last period. They sent me home with a pregnancy verification form and a list of clinics in the city that perform abortions, should that be my choice. I thanked them, walked out into the waiting room, told my boyfriend and left. I called my mom. I called my aunt. They’ve both had abortions. I knew I wasn’t in the time of my life where I could even support a child, let alone want a child right now. I knew what I had to do. I knew I would have the support if that’s what I decided to do.

I found out Thursday, Feb. 25th. By Friday, I did all the necessary paperwork to figure out if my mom’s insurance would cover it. But, seeing as it’s a government employee coverage plan, they declined. Thankfully, I live in California and the wonderful wonderful ladies at the clinic that I’ve been talking to on the phone told me about Medi-Cal and how I’m automatically qualified due to pregnancy and that they cover the whole procedure and anything that comes with it like prescriptions, etc. I went to the Medi-Cal office that Friday and an hour later, I was an active, but temporary, Medi-Cal recipient. 

With my appointment set for 8am, my boyfriend and I got up super early to make sure we got to the appointment on time. When they called me back, I first met with the lady  who talked to me on the phone countless times and who told me about Medi-Cal and everything. She took more medical history, asked if it was okay that a med student observed my appointment, asked me if I was being forced to do this by someone else, if I’m sure it’s what I wanted to do. I didn’t feel judged, I didn’t feel discouraged but she explained anyway that she just had to ask those questions as procedure. After, she explained what would happen throughout the rest of my appointment.

First, the doctor would come in and do an ultrasound to confirm how far along I actually am. She said the doctor would keep the screen turned away from me unless I asked to watch(I didn’t). After that, they would do a pelvic exam then insert a numbing medicine into my cervix. This is when she asked if I felt I needed the Lorazepam to get more relaxed. I turned it down(I went in this appointment with my mind set to use as little drugs of any kind possible). Then, after the numbing medicine and the dilation medicine had enough time, about 45 minutes, they would send me back and the procedure would happen. I would be awake but sedated. She then explained the after-care. Explained the symptoms, explained that if I go through two maxi-pads in two hours I was to call. She said to expect small blood clots and cramps off and on for 3-7 weeks. Explained that I can’t insert anything into my vag for two weeks and that I’m not allowed to take a bath for two weeks either. She asked if I had any questions then brought the doctor in.

The doctor came in, did an ultrasound. At this point, I was hoping she would take a look inside my uterus and tell me that my blood was wrong, that I peed on the sticks right, and that I had no baby inside me. I knew by how long she kept looking at the screen and with how many pictures she was printing, I wouldn’t be getting my wish. 

17 weeks. 17 weeks. 4 months. 17 weeks. 

I had my period in December. I remember bleeding. I remember inserting a tampon. I remember it. 17 weeks. None of it made sense. No nausea, no vomiting, my boobs weren’t sore. I had no other signs. I WAS ON BIRTH CONTROL. I got TWO negative test results. Nothing at me screamed 4 months pregnant. 

I wasn’t sure if they would allow me to go through with the procedure or not. She quickly made sure I knew that I still could. It was just a more complicated procedure that couldn’t actually be done in the clinic, but in their hospital across the street and that I would be asleep under general anesthesia. 

I’ve never, ever had any kind of surgery before in my entire life. 

After this, they came back in and called my boyfriend into the room. I explained to him what I just learned. He was just as shocked as I was. They explained a bit more about what exactly would happen from that point out. Because I would have to go under general anesthesia, I won’t be able to go if I had anything to eat that morning. I did. I had a dry piece of toast that morning at 6:30am. They told me she would get on the phone with the hospital and ask the anesthesiologist if I could still go through with it, being as it was already 11am at this point. They called back and said it was okay but that they couldn’t fit me in until 3 that afternoon. I was lucky to even get an appointment that same day. So once it was confirmed I had the OR booked at 3, they would still do the pelvic exam, they’d still use the numbing medicine and they would still dilate my cervix, but it would just take longer to settle in. They explained that the dilating medicine would cause cramps that would be a little strong than period cramps and that I’d probably feel a bit nauseous as they were putting the numbing medicine in.

After that, the doctor and my boyfriend left so I could get ready for the pelvic exam and things. She came in, she also brought the med-student into watch, and another doctor, Karen, who was there to oversee everything. She served as the main distraction in conversation. It was quite comical, those five minutes. Here I am, legs open and getting things shoved up my vagina, and I’m talking about all the cool things Adam designs as a product design student and how he wants to design things geared towards mountain bikers and how I just exist to make the world a little bit prettier. We were laughing about how it was probably a man who designed the speculum, being as it’s the most uncomfortable thing in the world. Just… it was bizarre. But wonderful in how kind the ladies were. During the conversation and the whole thing, I could feel the nausea they were talking about and the cramping had already started. 

When that was all done, I had to lay for five minutes before I was able to get up again then I was able to get dressed again and I was told to wait in the waiting room until the hospital had gotten all my papers and had a room for me, etc. We had to sit for about half hour. In that half hour, the cramping just kept getting worse and I have already been awake for 6 hours at this point. I was exhausted. I was falling asleep on Adam’s shoulder all the whole fighting tears. Finally, the hospital said it was okay to head on over.

Upon getting there at 12, I was admitted after being asked the same questions for the 4th time that day and they send us upstairs to the surgery floor where I was quickly put into my room. This was my first ever time in a hospital when I wasn’t visiting someone. It was strange changing into the gown and getting the ugly uncomfortable socks and the blue hair net. So I got changed, into bed and waited. Adam took the opportunity to go eat something real fast. While he was out, the nurse came in, asked me some more questions, hooked me up to the IV and took blood for my blood type, etc. The IV, she said, was just to hydrate me since I couldn’t eat or drink anything, and hadn’t since 6:30 that morning. Again, I’ve never experienced being a patient before. I handled the IV going in just fine. The IV made me cold so the nurse had to give me extra heated blankets. The admitting nurse asked how bad my cramps were. They were awful. She asked if I wanted morphine; I refused. I said I’d deal with the pain. It sucked. It was horrible. My back was killing me, I could feel my uterus was hard as a rock, and it just… it fucking hurt. I couldn’t move. But I definitely didn’t want morphine. Adam came back to me watching The Injury. He had a lot of work to do, the poor fella, so he brought his sketch book and sketched while I laid there, watching tv, trying to ignore the pain, trying to ignore why I was even sitting in that hospital at all, trying to sleep with no success.

The anesthesiologist resident came in a bit later, asked even more questions, explained generally what will happen, etc. He left, more waiting, more fucking pain. 

At around 2, another doctor came in, said it would only be a bit longer. He asked me to verify my name, my date of birth, asked if I knew what kind of surgery I was having( this question completely threw me off that a few seconds to actually remember and get myself together again ), asked me to pee one more time, and to wait some more.

2:45 and Kiersten, Dr. Evans, and Karen all came in, ready to go. They finally got to see Adam sketching and asked him even more about his work until the attending anesthesiologist came in, explained even more detail about what she would do and the wheeled me off. Adam gave me a quick kiss before I left the room and they all laughed, said he could kiss me at the “kissing station.” When we got into the OR room, I thought I would start panicking then. I thought it would all hit me. But the ladies were all o kind, kept me distracted, asked me even more about Adam and that’s all I remember.

I remember waking up needing water more than I ever needed anything in my whole life. My mouth had a terrible feeling and I just needed water. I don’t remember drinking the water but I recall the nurse walking over and laughing at me because I fell asleep with the cup in my hand. 

The next time I woke up, with no cramps, the nurse giggled again, greeted me with a “there you are, sleepyhead!.” She then asked me if I wanted more water, I had some more. She then had me slowly sit up. She had to check to see if they put any underwear on me, which they didn’t, just a pad, so she got out these REALLY attractive hospital boxers that shouldn’t even be considered underwear. She asked me to stand and walk with her to the bathroom to pee and check how the bleeding was. Standing was a bit weird and I so so light headed from not having eaten anything substantial since 9PM the night before and I could only think about eating. After peeing and everything, she had me sit for the rest of the time I was in recovery. They got Adam, he came in looking so worried and cute, kissed me, asked how I was, laughed at my hunger. The nurse offered me graham crackers and nothing has never tasted so fucking good. 

There wasn’t much left to do but go over the paper, over the procedure, confirm that everything went smoothly, that the Mirena was inserted and I just had to sign a few more forms and I was good to go. I got dressed with Adam’s helped, wheeled down to the lobby where they called us a cab and back to Adam’s we went. We stopped for sushi for take out and my GOD, amazing amazing to finally eat something. We watched some comedy tv show while we ate, he kept asking me if I needed anything, got me everything I needed because I was told to rest, obviously. I really needed to shower but what I really wanted was a bath but I’m not allowed. I went to pee and all I saw was blood. It was scary but they said that normal.I took a super long bath because I didn’t want to stand for long and sitting wasn’t allowed. 

The hospital called my boyfriend and I a cab and we went home. I showered, I did some homework and I went to bed.

At first, it was hard. I had some trouble with the guilt. But I never regretted it. I never doubted my decision. I know what I did and why I did it. “

Wednesday, August 24th 2011, 10:22pm

Story by methoodistcoloringbook ( name used with permission )

“ninety-seven percent effective. or something.

This is kind of a long story, and while it was happening it felt like it took years, but it happened over a span of four days in May of 2009. I was twenty, and it was the end of my junior year in college. I’d  just gotten home from school, and I had gained about ten pounds that semester but I didn’t think much of it because sometimes I stress eat and I’d probably just done that. After I’d been home for a few weeks, however, I knew something was wrong. I made my two best friends come over and wait with me while I peed on four different pregnancy tests. Every single one came up positive. I was completely shocked; at this point I’d been on birth control for four years, and have always had an irregular period so not getting it for a few months at a time was completely normal. I immediately called Planned Parenthood, but the earliest appointment for an abortion anywhere was two weeks away. I felt unable to wait that long, though at this point I was convinced I couldn’t be more than 8-12 weeks along, anything more than that seemed impossible to  me. The next day my friends took me to a clinic in Long Island City, where we spent four hours dealing with various problems with my health insurance before leaving without accomplishing anything, except my getting yelled at, assaulted with a rosary and called horrible names by the protesters outside. The next day we went in again, since I had called my insurance and thought everything was sorted out. After another failure, and since I couldn’t pay for it myself my amazing friend Victoria marched me to the ATM, withdrew $400 dollars (the cost of a first trimester abortion without insurance), gave it to me, and said “You need to do this. I can’t watch this happen to you anymore.” 

So I payed, had my blood drawn, and went to wait in the ultrasound room. A nurse came in, performed the ultrasound, and then said, “Oh.” When I got anxious and asked what was wrong she told me she needed another opinion and left the room. I’m freaking out, I’m thinking twins, or oh god i partied in college and destroyed this fetus pretty much all the awful possible outcomes ran through my brain. Another nurse came in, did another ultrasound, and told me I needed to wait for the results of my blood test. So I sat with three of my friends, reading aloud from a Cosmopolitan magazine to keep me from losing my shit when they called me up to the counter and uttered the most shocking phrase of my entire life; “Ms. Aronowitz, were you aware that you are 22 weeks pregnant?” I swear I almost fucking fainted right there, but it was at that moment that I realized I needed my parents for this. 

I was taken into the counseling room so they could explain a D & E to me, the risks of the procedure, made sure I wasn’t being coerced, etc. I told them I needed to go home and tell my parents. When I got home my mom was alone in the bedroom, so I just blurted it out when I walked in the door. To her unending credit, my mom looked right at me and said “yeah, about four to five months, right? You carry just like I do.” She hugged me, got me tissues, and asked me what I wanted to do.  She said if I wanted to, because I was so far along, I could go live with my aunt and uncle in Albany and then give it up for adoption, but she had expected me to want an abortion and was extremely supportive about that, too. We told my dad when he came home, and we agreed to go back together the next day.

My parents are absolutely amazing, wonderful, understanding people. Without them, I would not have gotten through this. They never hesitated, never made me feel bad or guilty or ashamed, listened to all the crazy shit I said when I woke up from the anesthetic, and ordered me lots of paninis and watched Criminal Minds with me while I recovered. But anyway, we went in the next morning at 6 am for the appointment my mom had made the night before. We payed, and I went up to the surgical floor to be dilated. If I can just say, here, that getting dilated is like no pain I have experienced before or since. They knocked me out, filled me up with these little wooden strips soaked in some kind of muscle dilating agent and sent me home to dilate overnight. As any of you who have had this procedure know, you can’t eat or drink anything besides water, and can’t take any pain meds because it’s bad enough that they’re anesthetizing you twice in two days. I couldn’t sleep at all, at at 5 am was awake and dressed and waiting for my parents to get this over with. 

I changed into the gown, they gave me an ultrasound and sent me up to the surgical floor. As they’re wheeling me into the operating room on a stretcher I’m wondering why are they not knocking me out, they have to  knock me out right? when they tell me that I’m not dilated enough, I’ve got a fucking tiny birth canal, and they’re really sorry but they have to dilate me at least for another few hours. So they put five more wooden strips in me and send me out to sit in the recovery room. The thing that helped me to focus my mind outside of the pain (no, now this is the worst pain I’ve ever experienced) was that I was seated across from all the women recovering from your “normal” first trimester abortions, and they were all like “jesus girl are you okay, what did you guys do to her” while I sat there and cried openly for two hours. I met some incredible people who taught me that I wasn’t an idiot for  not knowing I was pregnant, that it was okay, that I did everything right and was making the only decision that worked with my life. That day alone I met ten women who had not known they were pregnant, who had gotten light periods, who had assumed normal weight gain, who had taken a fucking pregnancy test and had it come up negative. These women changed my life, as did the amazing nurses in the recovery room who talked to me for hours, who let me squeeze their hands when I was in horrible pain, who said to me “honey you’ll have no problem giving birth naturally after this, if you want to, you’re a champion.” After two and a half hours a nurse asked me for my level of pain on a scale of 1-10. I answered as 12, at least, and she smiled and said “you’re ready! Let’s get you in for surgery.” After that I just remember waking up in a bed, feeling freer, lighter, like I could finally move on with my life. I high-fived and profusely thanked all my nurses. I just kept putting my hands on my abdomen and thinking how relieved I was, how much  better I felt. My parents took me home, and I hoped that would be that, aside from the week it would take me to be up and about again.

It didn’t end there, though. Because I was 4.5 months pregnant, I had to suppress my milk for two and a half weeks after the abortion. I duct tapped my breasts every day with an ice pack, took cold showers, googled “why wont the milk stop goddamn it.” Couple this with the wild swings my hormones were taking, and we can safely say I spent a lot of time crying and watching Jane Austen adaptations with my mom. 

I had to move back up to school for my job about three weeks after the abortion, which was difficult to do, and I have to thank my wonderful father and brother for doing all the heavy lifting, which I could not do. I also have to thank my incredible partner for coming down to Worcester after I moved in and reminding me that my body was still beautiful, even after all the awful shit I’d put it through. Add him to the list of people who saved my ass during this time. He also talked to me in the middle of the night whenever I needed it, held me when I needed it, and totally let me control the remote when I was still laid up. 

My abortion is the most difficult thing I’ve ever done, but it was not the most difficult decision I’ve ever made. My abortion was the worst pain I’ve ever been in, but I will never regret it. My abortion is a part of me, and I am not ashamed of it. My abortion taught me that if I ever want kids, I am strong enough to have them, that I will be a good mother. My abortion shed light on the people who really love me.

Feel free to keep my name on this. I want to connect with others who have gone through it.”

Wednesday, August 24th 2011, 10:21pm

Story by atonickat ( name used with permission )

“I’ve had an abortion and I’m not afraid to talk about it. I will share my story with anyone who asks. Hell, I’ll tell them even if they don’t ask. It was October of 2009 when I found out I was pregnant. My period was late but I didn’t freak out because it’s never on time. Once I was a few weeks late, it was time to head to Planned Parenthood. At this point in my life I was 26, and had been with my boyfriend for 5 years. I’ve had my mind made up about not having children since I’ve been old enough to know that woman had children. My boyfriend does not want children either. For those of you who don’t know, my boyfriend is 16 years older than me. Logistically, children would just not work in our situation. He’s in his early 40’s and that’s just not a good time in one’s life to start a family.

So we didn’t even have to talk about it. It was just what we were going to do. I opted for the medical abortion because I was only five weeks and it seemed like a good idea to me. It was Halloween night when I took the pills. I spent the next 8 hours in the most horrible pain of my life. I called someone I knew and bought 3 morphine pills off of her. I took all three at once and wished I would die. A medical abortion makes you go into labor, so at least now I can say I know what childbirth feels like! Anyways, after a few hours I gave birth to a lovely clump of cells and flushed them down the toilet. I know it may sound harsh to some of you, but that was the best feeling in the world to me. Knowing that I was no longer invaded by this thing growing inside of me that would literally ruin my life.

A year and a half later and I’ve never regretted the choice that we made. And now because of the horrible things that are going on with Planned Parenthood, I get my birth control shots there. Even though I have medical insurance and could easily have it covered at my doctors office. I choose to pay full price every three months because I owe PP so much, that I could never possibly repay them. I also paid full price for my abortion, in case anyone is wondering.”

I’m 28 now and have been with my boyfriend for 7 years. We are currently trying to buy a house together and he is the man I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. Minus the kids part. Also even though health insurance must now covers all birth control, I’m still going to pay for mine at Planned Parenthood. They’ve been with me since I first started taking BC in high school, and I’ll be with them until the end.

Making the choice to have an abortion seemed natural to me. Honestly I’ve always known that if I ever got pregnant, I would have an abortion. Kids are not an option for me. Simple because I do not want them, will never want them, and that will never change.”

Monday, August 22nd, 9:30pm

“I found out I was pregnant on my 26^th birthday.

I was working inventory at my retail job, and I hadn’t been feeling well.  I felt a bit nauseous.  My period was only about a week late, but I when I got out of work at 3am I had the cab drop me off at the 24 hour drug store about a block from home instead of at my house.

It’s kinda funny now.  I think about going into a pharmacy at 3am on my birthday to buy a pregnancy test.  I felt like the worst kind of slut at the time.  (Yes, I slut-shamed myself)

See, I felt like a slut cuz, I’d been having sex with my ex.  Secretly.  I hadn’t told any of my friends because he was bad for me.  He had broken my heart, but I simply couldn’t stay away.  I had no idea how to tell my friends cuz as far as they knew I wasn’t having sex with anyone. 

But the next morning after not sleeping at all, I went into my best friends room (we were roommates as well as best friends) and told her I was pregnant.  We talked about it.  I told her who I had been having sex with, and I told her what I was going to do about it.

The only day for me to have my abortion was the day we had planned to celebrate both our birthdays.  We were born 12 days apart and had always celebrated our birthdays together, since we were 17.  She asked if I wanted to cancel our birthday dinner, and I told her no.  It was always very difficult to coordinate all of our friends for one Saturday night.  It would be nearly impossible to do it a second time.  Besides it was her birthday, too and I didn’t want to make her miss out on her birthday celebration.

She went with me that Saturday afternoon to Planned Parenthood.  She sat with me in the waiting room like a best friend should.

At PP I met with a counselor whose job it was to make sure I wasn’t there under duress.  She was very nice.  I was a bit emotional and she was concerned about me.  I explained to her that while I had always been pro-choice, I never thought I would have to be there.  I somehow thought I was above it.  I was emotional because I never thought I would be in that situation; knocked up by some loser with 2 kids by 2 different women, with me carrying a potential third.  She understood and comforted me.  She told me that this didn’t make me a bad person.  She told me that everyone makes mistakes.  She asked me if I was sure this was what I wanted.  I told her yes.  I was certain.

In the procedure room, they did an ultra sound and asked if I wanted to see it.  I told them no.  A nurse held my hand during my abortion.

They gave me antibiotics and some information on counseling hotlines if I needed it, and I was good to go home.

That night I celebrated my 26^th birthday at my favorite restaurant with my friends.  It was great night.  I had to have sprite instead of sangria because of the antibiotics, but it was still a great night. 

My closest friends know about it.  They don’t judge me, which is great considering how harshly I judged myself at the time. 

That was 4 years ago.  I think about it sometimes, mostly cuz I have always wanted kids.  I still want them.  But I know that when I have them I’ll be able to give them the life I want for them.

I don’t regret my abortion.  Not one bit.

And I thank God Planned Parenthood was there for me.”

Monday, August 22nd, 9:10pm

“I don’t know who I am.

I had an abortion when I was seventeen and miscarried when I was nineteen.  I used to “abortion pill”.  The only thing it saved me from was the public ridicule of a hospital.  I know this because after my supposed miscarriage they preformed a medical abortion to remove anything that was left inside me.  I don’t think I was properly informed about the abortion pill.  My boyfriend (at the time) and I went to the clinic to find out I had to go get my blood taken and come back the following week.  The abortion was his idea in the first place.  I was a senior top girl cheerleading, meaning if I continued to gain weight surely, they wouldn’t be able to lift me anymore.  I had no friends.  I had to tell my mother so that she would sign the form for me.  After getting my blood drawn we came back.  MY boyfriend, mother and I entered the waiting room.  My name was called so we went up the stairs to another room.  There we had to pay and sign the papers.  My mother started crying and said she wasn’t sure she could do it.  I told her I’d sign for her, that no one would see.  I signed.  As I was walking to return the paper to the clerk my boyfriend grabbed my hand and whispered to me, “Maybe we shouldn’t do this.”  I looked back at him with such anguish that I suppose he understood what needed to happen.  His let my hand slide out of his then put his head down.  He knew what we needed to do he just didn’t have the courage for it.  Neither did I.  But I love him and my mother so very much, I knew this was what was best for them.  So I went in, did the paper work, got the information, the counseling, and the four pills.  I was to take, one there, two when I’m home, and one the other day.  I thought nothing of it because all they told me is that I’d get a cramp or two and everything would be fine.  I woke up in the middle of the night soaked in blood, crying in pain.  My sheets were covered in blood.  I could hardly breathe.  This lasted for about an hour then it started to fade.  My cycle was normal for six months.  Two months after the abortion though, I found out that my boyfriend had been sleeping with who I considered to be my best friend.  He could come to see me when I was getting sick over the pill because he was parked in the woods with her.  It still hurts to talk about.  Oh my god, it hurts so bad.  Two years later I found out that despite my birth control I was pregnant, again, with twins.  I panicced again but before I could decide what was best the same thing that happened with the pill happened in the car with two of my friends on the way to Florida.  When I returned home I got the surgery and my parents had me get this form of birth control that the doctor implants into your arm.  It lasts for three years.  I’m still healing from all of this.  I don’t know who I am.  I don’t know who to love.  Was is all my fault?  Did I do the right thing?  Would my boyfriend have stayed with me if I had the baby?  Mother says I’m a disapponintment.  Father says I am a walking scarlet letter to my family, and myself.  What do I say?  I wish I knew.”

Monday, August 22nd, 9:00 pm

“The summer after I graduated college I tripped over life and accidentally fell in love with a handsome engineer who understood the stock market, made business plans and was the president of his frat.  He was completely opposite from every guy I had ever dated in my life, and he was perfect.  I took him traveling with me, to my favorite places here in the US and to different countries where I introduced him to new cultures for the first time in his life.  He opened me up, brought down the walls I had built for myself and never, ever failed to make me smile.  My best friends thought I was crazy- ‘really?!  this guy??’ they would say to me.  And his friends thought I was a hippie.  But somehow, and no one really knows exactly, we fell in love.  It was a relationship built on communication and laughing and enjoying each others company.

A year and a half later, he proposed and I said of course.  I was about to start grad school in a new city, his career was blowing up, and things were really good.  The morning I found out, I woke up and knew.  I can’t explain how I knew, but I did.  I was pregnant.  9 at-home tests later and there was no denying it: I was pregnant.  At 26 years old, engaged to a wonderful man, in the middle of the best years of my life, I was pregnant.  And I was not happy about it.  It took me all of 20 minutes to realize that if I had a baby, grad school was out of the question.  Although I had an amazing scholarship I had student loans.  My program sends their students out into the field on their dime for 4 months- it was an amazing opportunity and I couldn’t do it with a baby.  And I needed the higher degree for better employment opportunities.  My fiancee had just been promoted.  He was making a large sum of money and saving every dime, not only for his own benefits but that summer his mother had been diagnosed with cancer, and he needed to help pay for the hospital bills.  It was not a good time for a baby.

He got home that night and I told him the news through tears.  An hour later, we had made the decision: I’d have an abortion.  I made the appointment with Planned Parenthood, and was so nervous.  As I pulled into the parking lot I had eggs thrown at my car by protesters.  It honestly made the decision easier.  I love children, but at that moment in time, in that part of my life, a baby would have destroyed everything.  Everything that we had worked so hard for, would have been sacrificed for a child that we would indeed loved but would have regretted.  I saw the ultrasound and found out I was 6 weeks along; I saw movement in the tv screen and nodded when the doctor asked me if I was sure.  And when I got home later that day, I felt relieved and powerful.  I was so grateful and proud to be a woman and have the ability to make my own decisions.  

My husband and I got married a year after the experience, and now, at the age of 29, we are about to have a baby.  When I was 26, I was working toward a career that I wanted so badly, and I was about to start at a prestigious university for graduate school.  At 26 my husband was about to bury his mother.  I love my job, my career, I’m successful and good at what I do, and my husband has changed the world with the things he has built.  And we are so excited about our soon-to-be-here baby.  He’ll be a wonderful father.  Would he have been 3 years ago?  Probably.  But not the same.  Could I have done it?  Probably.  But not the same.  

It was a hard decision, as all decisions are, but I am okay with the decision I made.  I think I appreciate the present experience more because I know how lucky to live the way we do and be able to make hard decisions.  I had an abortion with my fiancee, I am pro-choice, and I am proud to be both a woman, and a mom.”

Just a heads up - Abortion Stories will be making several posts around 9pm EST.